Monday, December 12, 2011

How many ______ does it take to change a light bulb?

How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and pray the light bulb will decide to change itself.



How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

CHANGE???????



No. Really, how many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.



How many neo-evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and darkness.



How many Church of Christ Members does it take to change a light bulb?

Six men. One to authorize the change; two to look up the scriptures to see if it's something Jesus or Paul would approve of; and three to keep the women in submission, i.e. keeping them from giving advice, instructions, or usurping authority over the men.



How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.



How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. but for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.



How many fundamentalists or independent Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one because any more would be compromise and ecumenical standards of light would slip.



How many liberals does it take to change a light Bulb?

At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.



How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They always use candles.



How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.



How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten. One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.



How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?

Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved-you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.



How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.



How many Nazarenes does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.



How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Lutherans don't believe in change.



How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?



How many Unitarians does it take to change a light bulb?

We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if, in your own journey, you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.



How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The lights are on, but no one's home.



How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.



How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?



2 to claim they are really agnostics, 6 to claim that agnostics are just cowardly atheists, 4 to point out that they had lightbulbs in their fundamntalist church back when they were growing up and see no reason to continue using tools of theism, 11 to bring up the Dawkins scale, 13 to propose alternative to the Dawkins scale, 6 to mention how Dawkins changed their life, 3 to ask what atheism has to do with changing a lightbulb, 7 to point out that Theists don't change lightbulbs either, and 1 to claim that even though a theist changed the lightbulb while we were arguing, he didn't have to be a theist to do that!







Other answers welcome.How many ______ does it take to change a light bulb?
Rofl! This is most amazing question of my life! I'm glad Unitarians got in there ^^ And I must say it is very accurate! I have absolutely nothing to add except this is the most amazing thing I've seen all day and you definitely made my good day even better!How many ______ does it take to change a light bulb?
Um, comment to ';Golfman';: I don't think you understood this one. The joke is a reference to the fact that Jehovah's Witnesses go door-to-door to witness to people in their homes. The people living in the house see them coming and pretend not to be home even though ';the lights are on.';

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shorter version please
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?





Who cares, feminists can't change anything.
How many Gardnerian witches does it take to change a light bulb?



(in a low ominous tone) ';Why do you want to know...initiate?';
It was okay, but the Jehovah's Witness one was stupid. There was no commentary on any religious beliefs, just a third-grade joke about brainpower. Did you make these up?
i love you, hope this doesn't get deleted. i would be in every group of the atheists
These are great! My husband is a Lutheran Pastor and he loved all of these. Thanks for the good laugh.
hehe :)



for a little variety -



How many New Agers does it take to change a light bulb?

- We don't need light bulbs. We just sit around and chant at our crystals until they glow!



(and a non-religious one)

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

-Only one. But the light bulb has to *really* want to change.

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